he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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