She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
