I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
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We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i believe in u and ur pee
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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