I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i've created a new STD.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
