I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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