your room smells of hookers.
And success
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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