what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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