my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize