i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
