no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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