You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
