someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
barbara walters just said penis...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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