I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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