Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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