i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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