he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
