is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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