The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
cat food counts as protein by the way
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
