Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just found puke in my bra..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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