we made out on top of his cat.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Couch. On fire.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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