i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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