I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
