Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
