what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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