My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
