just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
