on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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