i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
