Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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