this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's blow job season.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
