Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
