Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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