elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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