I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
