how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
