Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The ass gains better be worth it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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