where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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