This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
