New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
