im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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