great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
