please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
