We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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