so that wasnt chicken after all
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
