If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
