She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
