The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
