i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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