you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
