Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
