the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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