I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
