so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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