Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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