I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize