i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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