Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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