Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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