she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
