If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
