my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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