I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
