My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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