Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
