Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
