U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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