i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
